As children we all knew on a gut level that cooties were real,
even if we couldn't see them with our naked eyes. Little did we
know, that the fear we had of being infected with the microbes
of some less desirable child, was actually warranted! Dr. Charles
LaFong, scientist at the Minnesota Institute for Septicity Research,
announced this week that after 6 years of painstaking experimentation
and documentation, they have unequivocally proven the existence
of 'repugnatum cooticulous' or 'cooties'.
"It wasn't until we started using the new improved electron microscopes
that we began to make progress", said LaFong, standing before
a screen projection of the hideous bacilli. "Since the elusive
little vermin are so incredibly small, they are essentially invisible
without the aid of the latest technology." Apparently, the unusual
phenomena of couples looking alike after living together for many
years, can be attributed to the pair repeatedly infecting each
other with cooties and results in their taking on a kind of blended
look and single personality.
"Now that we are sure of their existence, we have already begun
the process of formulating an antibody to fight this dreaded school
yard scourge. I have every confidence that we will succeed in
the near future."