Scientists Prove the
Existence of Cooties!

As children we all knew on a gut level that cooties were real, even if we couldn't see them with our naked eyes. Little did we know, that the fear we had of being infected with the microbes of some less desirable child, was actually warranted! Dr. Charles LaFong, scientist at the Minnesota Institute for Septicity Research, announced this week that after 6 years of painstaking experimentation and documentation, they have unequivocally proven the existence of 'repugnatum cooticulous' or 'cooties'.

"It wasn't until we started using the new improved electron microscopes that we began to make progress", said LaFong, standing before a screen projection of the hideous bacilli. "Since the elusive little vermin are so incredibly small, they are essentially invisible without the aid of the latest technology." Apparently, the unusual phenomena of couples looking alike after living together for many years, can be attributed to the pair repeatedly infecting each other with cooties and results in their taking on a kind of blended look and single personality.

"Now that we are sure of their existence, we have already begun the process of formulating an antibody to fight this dreaded school yard scourge. I have every confidence that we will succeed in the near future."

-- Cleaven Gunt