How To Create a Truly Annoying Web Site
Many businesses and organizations are realizing the value of creating
a Web site on the internet. Web site development requires thorough
planning, knowledgeable personnel to handle the site and its maintenance.
With tongue firmly planted in cheek, consider some of the most
egregious mistakes found on business sites - and the misconceptions
that often goes with them. Here are 8 ways to make your site truly
- Add plenty of huge photos and graphics. You really must have an
8x10 color photo of the company's president on the home page.
Crowd as many graphics and photos as you can on every page. The
longer it takes your site to load on visitor's computers, the
longer they'll hang around to see what develops. Graphics require
much more bandwidth than text, and every graphic and photo requires
a separate connection between the client and the server. The more
you have, the more time it takes to load. (A good rule of thumb:
It should take at least three days for a visitor to load your
entire site. This assumes, of course that the visitor has a 56k
- Cram as much information as possible on each page. (kind of like
this one!) A Web page can theoretically go on forever - it is
cyberspace, after all. Never mind that only 10% of Web users scroll beyond
what is visible on the screen when a page first comes up. Your
Web site is different; visitors will be more than happy to scroll
down the long pages you've written.
- Put all critical content and navigation options at the bottom
of the page. The visitors to your site will really enjoy scrolling
down 18 screens of text before getting to your address and phone
- Use frames everywhere! Sure, one frame on the left margin of the
homepage can be used for a neat directory, but why stop there?
If you put four or five frames on the page, think of all the material
you could include! Of course your visitors will need 21-inch monitors
to be able to view all the cool frames, but that's their problem.
Plus, they will have to wait for all the framed documents - including
all the graphics and photos - to load at the same time. (See the rule of thumb in No. 1.)
- Require a variety of plug-ins (software that extends the capabilities
of a browser) to view your site. Most visitors won't mind downloading
and installing Shockwave, Quicktime, and numerous other plug-ins
to get the "full experience" of your Web site. So what if it takes
two hours to download the required plug-ins? It will be worth
it to see a 10-second video clip of some dancing baloney waving
and saying, "Welcome to the Acme Widget Web site." Imagine your
visitor's joy if, after acquiring the plug-ins, the video clip
- Have a different colored, textured background on each page. This
is particularly effective if the text is barely detectable against
the background, such as black text on a navy blue background.
If your site's visitors have to squint to read the page or start
cursing under their breath, you've designed something of excellence.
- Add plenty of animated graphics, scrolling or blinking text, and
marquees. The more, the better. People who visit your site aren't
looking for content, they're looking for "eye candy." There should
be incessant movement throughout your site. To really grab your
visitors' attention, add animated graphics that sequence rapidly
- place four or five on the home page. Full sentences of blinking
text are also hard to miss. Your site should look like Times Square
on a Saturday night.
- Never, ever update the site. It was hard enough to get the thing
online in the first place!